Facing Your Fears and Coming Out on Top

Hi there!  How was your weekend?  Hope you had a good one.  Today I want to talk about fear.  Everyone has fear of some kind, whether it be rational or irrational, the jump out and scare you kind or the I’m-not-sure-I-can-do-this kind.  The point is, it is a human emotion that we all share.  Fear is not always a bad thing.  It makes us cautious and aware.  It helps us protect ourselves from things that can hurt us.  But sometimes fear can get in the way of our dreams and accomplishments.  It can limit us in a way that we don’t want or need to be limited.  It can tell us no, when we should be saying yes.  

I have many fears.  The fear that someone is breaking into my apartment in the middle of the night (irrational).  The fear that I won’t succeed at something (rational, but is it necessary?).  The fear that I did something wrong and caused upset (somewhere between rational and irrational).  I also have one very specific fear…downhill.  I don’t mean the metaphorical, my-life-is-going-downhill, I mean actually going down a hill.  Let me explain.

The Hubs and I began “seriously” cycling (I use quotes because I would say we are moderately serious not very serious) about four or five years ago.  We started out just riding along the bike paths in Manhattan.  I rented a hybrid bike on the weekends and enjoyed being outside in the fresh air that is so prevalent along the West Side Highway.  Eventually I got a road bike and we started biking longer and more difficult routes.  The big hill in Central Park was nothing compared to the long stretches of road we biked on Cape Cod or in parts of Westchester or Connecticut.  We would throw our bikes on our car and drive out of the city in search of fun bike routes.

One of our favorite routes is the Palisades Park just over the George Washington Bridge in New Jersey.  In about 20 minutes we would go from bustling Manhattan to nature and trees and more importantly, big paved bike paths.  If you have ever been to the Palisades, you know that it is quite hilly.  In fact, runners, hikers and cyclists alike visit the Palisades because of the immensely challenging workout it provides.  The big hill comes at the end of our route.  It is about 10 minutes of sheer torture as you climb up and up and up the steepest hill ever with no breaks.  I don’t mind the uphill.  In fact, I actually get a kick out of passing these guys decked out in cycling gear slowly making their way up the hill.

We get to the top and it’s a huge relief.  Water and a little bit of rest and we are ready to head back down.  And this is where the real work begins.  I hate the downhill.  I hate going fast.  I hate the bumps that I can’t always see.  I hate feeling like I might crash.  Over the years as we have done this route more and more it has gotten a lot better.  I now feel pretty comfortable going downhill in the Palisades.  They also repaved the roads so large potholes are less of a concern.

However, my fear of the downhill reared its ugly head again a few months back when we were visiting Australia.  We were in the Blue Mountains where the Hubs grew up and he wanted to take me on a trail ride that he had done as a kid.  Mountain biking can’t be much different from road biking, right?  I’ll give it a try.

Boy was I wrong.

Mountain biking is the antithesis to road biking.  While us road cyclists enjoy the uphill climbs on nicely paved streets, mountain bikers are obsessed with the downhills.  It is all about the uneven terrain and the fastness of pushing yourself through dirt and sand.  I was terrified.

Sand, rocks and downhill after downhill, this ride was not my thing.  I wanted to stop.  I wanted to go home.  I wanted to cry.  I didn’t like feeling out of control as I skidded down the sandy slope.  I constantly felt like I was going to fall and hurt myself.  This was like going downhill in the Palisades times a million.  I honestly thought my husband must be trying to kill me taking me here.

The trip is about an hour out to the point where there are supposedly some good views and another hour back.  The thing is, when you have to stop, get off your bike and walk down the hill, it takes a lot longer.  To say that I was an unhappy camper is an understatement.

But I pushed on.  I wanted to get to the end.  Yes, I wanted to see the view.  But honestly I had been surrounded by “views” since the Australian coastline came into view after 20 plus hours of flying.  I think what I really wanted to do was complete the challenge and conquer my fear.

I then forced myself back on the bike and made the miserable challenging journey back.  I couldn’t quit now because I had to get home.

In the end, I made it.  I did many downhills and walked some that were too big for me.  I looked my fear in the face and decided it was not going to stop me.  I forced myself to keep going and I overcame.

I don’t love mountain biking and probably wouldn’t choose to do it again if I had a choice.  But I’ll definitely be less scared facing my paved downhills on my bike this summer.  I overcame something that will stay with me forever and I learned from the experience.  The best part was that I literally came out on top of the world when I did it!

Oh and as an illustration, I have this amazing footage caught on camera of me kicking butt trying desperately to hold it together.

As a final note, my father-in-law actually crashed his mountain bike on this same path about twelve or so years ago and severely injured himself to the point where he is now medically retired. I was told there was “no way” I would fall.  Well, I didn’t but that was because I was battling my fear!

Readers, what do you fear?  Have you ever tried to conquer a fear?  How do you feel about downhill?